Man am I ever really feeling the season of Advent. Maybe it’s something in my water, but I have been feeling the disease and lack of comfort that comes with waiting earnestly– for a future, for answers, for certainty, for God to direct me in the right place. And I will say, that I am getting the sense that sometimes it feels less than restful to be fully in the liturgical season. Usually, I feel expectant in a hopeful way right about now, for it is time for a break and a rest from school and for time with my family. I get excited about classes for the following semester, for everything that I could and can be doing in the following summer.
This time, however, is different. I feel like I am anticipating graduation physically right now, subconsciously getting prepared for the reality that my life is about to change drastically, and it is disconcerting. I have been a full-time student for almost my whole life, never taking a year off to do anything different, never taking a break, never trying something new. And now, finally, all of that education has built itself up into an end… no more degrees to pursue, so now I have to try my hand at this other part of reality, move into a new phase of life that doesn’t revolve around academics but instead is focused on the lived experience and practice of the theoretical that I spent so long thinking about.
Not knowing what to expect is running my mind for a loop or two. For now, however, I can do little else but wait for what will come, and trust that God will be acting in it. Let’s just hope that I can sort some of this out soon.
Finally… we have a president-elect, and its none too soon. I have spent the last 6 months or so checking too many politically-minded websites, reading article after article on who did what and who said this or that and what poll predicted what where… it was exhausting, and yet I couldn’t drag myself away. I literally averaged 5 to 6 checks per day on a handful of sites, no joking. And as the race was called around 11:15 and my fellow Divinity school friends were screaming and yelling and dancing and pouring champagne, my body finally relaxed and I exhaled, both because the Hope was for real and because I could finally get back to doing my homework.
So yea, maybe now that my internet time is down per day, I can devote some time to this blog, which has been seriously ignored since august or so. Because I have had a lot on my mind to be sure, especially when it comes to the freak-out realization that I need to start looking for a job, that I am graduating in 7 months and that the world is opening up in a whole new direction for me. I have been trying to hide from that reality-check a bit, but I knew it was on the way so I can’t say I didn’t expect it. I mean, I am cramming FIVE classes into this semester to get that degree + ordination-worthy by June. All I need are a handful of classes, a passed polity exam, and I am set (did i mention i failed my polity exam? Boo! I passed the other three though…. expect an encore on the polity thing in Feb.). My pastor is working on getting something pulled together so that I can start looking for a job soon, and in the meantime I am working on getting my info together to make me attractive to church positions, writing my thesis (sometimes), eating some tasty food, and knocking out homework (Speaking of homework, I *should* be working on my sermon for Peter Gomes tomorrow… I have the outline but I have yet to practice it outloud–oops!)
So yea, it’s all good, i hope. Then again, of course it is. Hope won this year.