It’s D-Day. And by D-Day, I mean my annual CPM meeting. Now, granted, I love my CPM. They are great folks and I every year I leave with the sense that they are truly committed to this process. They are loving and supporting (and to my knowledge none of them read this blog so, no, I am not lying or embellishing. They really rock.).
But then again, every year I find myself so nervous as I approach that meeting. This year is no different, and if anything it gets worse because I am finally applying to be moved to candidacy. This year I was asked to bear my theological soul, bite the bullet and put in writing what I believe about God and ministry and my calling. And I did it, but doing it makes me vulnerable to these people in a way that I wasn’t before. Things which before were only mine (my dreams, my beliefs, my fears) are now in their hands, and they can choose to accept them or criticize them at will. It’s as profoundly scary as it is empowering, and I can only hope that I would remember God is in that room with me, and with them. Because God is in that room.
But just in case…. pray for me, would ya?
Deeper in me than I 
If you weren’t nervous, it wouldn’t mean anything.
I remember the process, remember being frsutrated and angry with the process, and remember the day I found meaning in the process.
Saying it out loud makes it real. That’s scary and liberating at the same time. Those dreams that were once only yours’ now have the chance to become a new reality in this world. That’s pretty exciting. I hope it went well.
Peace.