Category: meandering thoughts
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The Rhythm of Waiting
What happens next– after anguished letters and halting words, fraught conversations over pints in the pub and strained silences which suffuse this room where we lay our bodies down each night in solitary solidarity wondering: can this last? Where do we go when we cannot go from here?
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Choose Whom You Will Serve
long ago I made a choice- not for proximity & safety, but for that which made my heart beat faster, my soul sing sweeter. now I find myself consumed by unsettling silence, no wind nor breath only that tremulous void into which I cry out your name and wait for an answer
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Desiderata
“You are dust and to dust you shall return,” but first my duty was to help you along lying as you were in the corner of the coop your feathers still, your body hushed & crumpled in the dry heat of late August I believed you gone but then you cried as I went to…
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What I didn’t know still hurt me
You gut me like a fish until I am exposed trembling My insides spilling outside, unprotected unguarded There is little that is lovely about this feeling unshielded on your table waiting for the knife to drop
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On Shame and Self-Regard
I was fourteen when I started attending church regularly, and when I did, I was immediately drawn to the ritual and repetition of the traditional presbyterian service down the street. I loved that I, an awkward teenager with absolutely zero familiarity with whatever “church culture” was, could follow along, and even participate fully. There were…
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More Than Could Be Counted
Every year, in wintertide, I pore over seed books as I dream of a garden a child could ruin herself for dinner in. When the time is right, I tuck precious seeds in good earth and wait and watch for these yearnings to push themselves out of the dark soil, take on leaf and spread…
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Deep Unto Deep
Beneath the becalmed ocean surface of my body currents roil. There is nowhere to hide from this crushing undertow– It grabs hold of me, pulling me deeper until I fear that I will be lost. I remember looking out over the waves in Santa Cruz, my feet kissed by the vestiges of stones and shells…
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On Waking…
A cornucopia of insects is thrumming outside my window right now. It is 5 am, and I am (again) awake (earlier than I expected). Sleep has been…elusive lately…. or rather, the ability to sleep beyond 6 hours or so. I cannot control this impulse to wake in the wee hours, only ride the wave (and…
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Humaning
When the shadows lengthen, and the evening falls, and the busy world is hushed; when the gaps between the tree boughs outside my window sing out God’s praise in technicolor; when the birdsong gathers into conspiratorial whispers deep within the hedgerow; whilst the chipmunks steel themselves silently against the stones and burls, and the cicadas…
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Burn
It’s better to marry than to burn, wrote Paul But what the hell was he on about? Desire smolders within me and I cannot put it out, nor contain it, nor stop it in its course. Fire refines, said the Psalmist, but at this point I’m more concerned with whether it will take the whole…
Deeper in me than I 